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Joke Topic - 'Scottish' - 5


This is page 5 of jokes on the topic - 'Scottish'.

Related Topics: Scotsman (18)
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What do Scottish owls sing?
Owld Lang Syne.
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What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A Macaw.
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What if you cross a legendary Scottish monster and a bad egg?
The Loch Ness pongster.
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What is the definition of a true Scottish gentleman?
A Scotsman who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the name of a Scottish cloak room attendant?
Willie Angus McCoatup.
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What is the name of the unhappy range of mountains in Scotland?
The Grumpians.
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What is very smelly, and is spoken in the highlands of Scotland?
Garlic.
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When Big Peter McFlannel dies in Glasgow, his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once, so she goes to the newspaper and says "I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband"
The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "�5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok".
So the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter McFlannel, fae Parkheid, deid".
The clerk feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hands the paper over the counter again.
The clerk then reads, "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale."
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Which famous Scottish poet is really setting the place on fire?
Robert Burns.
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Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

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