A salesman is assigned a new route that takes him into Texas for the first time. After reaching his first stop in Texas, it was late so he checked into a motel. And went to it's restaurant for diner. He ordered a small beer. The waitress brought him a huge mug.
"Waitress" he said," I ordered a small beer." She said," this is Texas, in Texas this is a small beer." Then he ordered a petite steak and the waitress brought him a two inch thick stake so big the sides of it were hanging off the edge of the pater.
"Waitress, I ordered a petite stake"
She told him that in Texas that was a petite stake. After a while all that beer was getting to him, so he asked the waitress where the rest room was. She told him to go down the hall two doors and turn to the *RIGHT*. He staggered down the hall two doors, turned *LEFT*, and walked into the hotel swimming pool. As he bobbed to the surface, he screamed,
"DON'T FLUSH IT!"
One day a salesman dropped in to see a business customer. He found that the office was deserted except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him. Just then, the dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised, sir this is all part of my job."
"That's simply incredible!" muttered the man. "I can't believe it! I'm must tell your boss what a fantastic asset he has in you - a dog that is able to talk!"
"No, no, please don't do that" said the dog. "If my boss finds out I that can talk, he'll make me answer the phones as well as clean the office."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Cats
Why did the cat move to a new neighborhood?
Because the old one had gone to the dogs!
A Born Loser
A born loser: Somebody who calls the telephone number that's scrawled in lipstick on the phone booth wall -- and his wife answers.
Idiot
Did you hear about the idiot who thought the Cote d'Azur was a blue jacket?
Smiling
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.
Wedding
Wedding - a funeral where you smell your own flowers.
Dieting
Old dieters never die, they just waist away.
Chickens
My uncle said, 'I wonder what'll happen if I feed gunpowder to my chickens?'
I said, 'You'll probably get an eggsplosion.'
Doctor
Patient: Doctor, I've just swallowed a spoon.
Doctor: Well, sit down and don't stir yourself.
Stamps
How many 2 cent stamps are there in a dozen?
12