Joke Topic - 'Salad'

The one good thing you can say about the food in our vacation hotel is that at least they're considerate enough to give you only small portions.

What do you call it when a cat stops briefly?
A paws.

You know you're having a bad day when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

How many Oliver Norths does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How can he? He sold all the light bulbs to Iran.

Where do vampires keep their savings?
In the blood bank.

Wife: Where are you going with your golf clubs?
Husband: To a tee party.

What did one cannibal say to another?"Who was that girl I saw you with last night?"
"That was no girl, that was my supper."

How did the witch know that she was ill?
She had a dizzy spell.

Don't complain about the tea
- you'll be old and weak yourself one day