Waiters
Waiter, waiter, this food isn't fit for a pig.'
'Very good, sir. I'll go and get you some that is.'
Ducks
What has webbed feet and fangs?
Count Quackula.
Salary
You can name your own salary here. I call mine Fred.
Parents
What are your parents' names?
Mama and Papa.
Elephants
Why do elephants do so well in school?
Because they have a lot of grey matter.
Birds
What type of bird works on a building site?
A crane.
Fish
What do you call a large fish that makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather!
Cows
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Tilly.
Tilly who?
Tilly cows come home.
Blondes
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.