Lawyers
What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Blondes
Why was the blonde tiptoeing past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Dogs
Why are dogs not good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Christmas Presents
What Christmas present do you give to a train driver?
Platform shoes.
Pigs
Pigs might fly, but this one drives
Mummies
What do you call an overweight Egyptian mummy?
Two ton Carmen.
Cannibals
Did you hear about the entertainer who did a show for the cannibals?
They say that he went down really well.
Offers
What should you do if someone offers you a rock cake?
Take your pick.
Cows
What do you call a cow with only three legs?
Lean beef.