Joke Topic - 'Relax'

What is yellow, hot and highly dangerous?
Shark-infested custard.

This is a day for final decisions!
Or is it?

What did one light bulb say to the other?
I'm going out tonight.

My mum said, 'Doctor, give me something for my kidneys.'
The doctor said, 'How about a few rashers of bacon?'

Patient: I Think I've got amnesia.
Doctor: Okay, then I will ask for my fee in advance.

Did you hear the story about the cup of coffee?
It's real hot stuff.

John: My wife drives me to drink.
Henry: You're lucky. I have to walk.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Emmett.
Emmett who?
Emmett the front door, not the back one.

What is green and goes 'boing, boing, boing'?
A spring cabbage.