Wives
Mr Green: My wife's one in a million.
Mr Brown: Really? I thought you won her in a raffle.
Airplanes
You know you're having a bad day when - Airline food starts to taste good.
Rabbits
What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a forged five-pound note?
One is a mad bunny, and the other is bad money.
Dentists
What award does the dentist of the year get?
A little plaque.
Blondes
How do you confuse a blonde?
Give her M&M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical order.
Sheep
What do you get if you cross a sheep and a rainstorm?
A wet blanket.
Fish
My uncle said, 'The RSPCA are going to close down my fish and chip shop.'
I said, 'Why's that?'
He said, 'They think I'm battering the fish.'
Physchiatrists
My psychiatrist told me I was going crazy. I told him, 'If you don't mind, I'd like a second opinion. 'He said, 'Alright .. you're ugly too.'
Restaurants
Here's a question:
What do restaurants do with frog arms?