Joke Topic - 'Prunes'

A politician has to be able to see both sides of an issue, so he can get around it.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yule.
Yule who?
Yule never know just how much I love you.

Did you hear about the karate champion who joined the army?
The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself.

How do you get a Scotsman to climb onto the roof of his home?
Tell him that the drinks are on the house.

You know you're getting old when your back goes out more than you do.

Did you hear about the neurotic octopus?
He was a crazy mixed-up squid.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Albert.
Albert who?
Albert you'll never be able to guess who I am.

'Hi Bob, Where have you been?'
'The cemetery.'
'Oh! Who's dead?'
'They all are.'

Patient: Doctor, I've just swallowed a spoon.
Doctor: Well, sit down and don't stir yourself.