Judges
The judge fined the offender fifty dollars and told him he would be thrown in jail if he was caught again. It is fine today but cooler tomorrow.
Dead
Ten-year-old's response to the question, 'When dead, what do you want to be remembered for?': 'Ever.'
Golf
John: I hear that you lost your job as a golf caddy.
Paul: Yeah, I could do the work all right, but I just couldn't stop laughing.
Kittens
How does a contented kitten feel?
Cat-isfied with life.
Dinosaurs
What do you get when a dinosaur has a car accident?
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Mice
What's grey, has four legs, and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.
Spaghetti
Diner: Excuse me, waiter, but is there spaghetti on the menu?
Waiter: No, but I am sure that we have some in the kitchen.
Sharks
What does a shark like to eat for lunch?
Fish and ships!
London
Ten-year-old's reply to 'What famous London landmark has a figure with only one eye?': 'Cleopatra's needle.'