Whales
Yo' mama's so fat, when she jumped in the ocean, the whales started singing, 'We are family!'
Death
A fate worse than death is better than dying
Work
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
Bugs
The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out and put new ones in.
Intelligence
Did you hear about the extremely intelligent monster?
He was called Frank Einstein.
Flies
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Throw him a doughnut, sir; it'll make a good lifebelt.
Houses
People who live in glass houses always have to answer the doorbell.
Horses
Where did the newlywed horses stay?
In the bridle suite.
Eggs
Diner: Waiter, these eggs are runny.
Waiter: Why do you say that, sir?
Because one just ran out the door.