Joke Topic - 'Pretend'

Your mumma is so dumb she took a ruler 2 bed 2 c how long she slept!

Wife: Before we were married, you told me you were well off.
Husband: I was, but I didn't realize just how how well off I was.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

I said to my uncle, 'How long have you been bald?'
He said 'Ever since the war lad. I lost it in a hair raid.'

What goes oom, oom?
A cow walking backwards.

Why is your cat so small?
He only drinks condensed milk.

My wife is as cold as marble. . .she says I take her for granite.

Waiter, waiter, there's a twig in my soup.
Well you did order bird's nest soup, sir.

What is the opposite of minimum?
Minidad.