Home / Joke Topics Index / Joke Topics - P / Joke Topic - Police - 1
Joke Topic - 'Police' - 29 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
Here are 29 jokes on the topic - 'Police'.
A driver who was speeding down Main Street in a small town was pulled over by a policeman. The man started, "But officer, I can explain."
The cop yelled, "Just be quiet." "I'm going to send you to jail to cool your heels until the chief returns."
'But, officer, I just wanted to say...'
'And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!'
After a few hours, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'It's lucky for you, the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He is sure to be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'I wouldn't count on that,' replied the fellow in the cell. 'I'm the groom.'
The cop yelled, "Just be quiet." "I'm going to send you to jail to cool your heels until the chief returns."
'But, officer, I just wanted to say...'
'And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!'
After a few hours, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'It's lucky for you, the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He is sure to be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'I wouldn't count on that,' replied the fellow in the cell. 'I'm the groom.'
A man went to the police station and insisted that he speak to the man who had broken into his house the previous night.
'You'll get your chance in court,' said the desk sergeant.
'But you don't understand,' said the man. 'I want to know how he got into my house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years.'
'You'll get your chance in court,' said the desk sergeant.
'But you don't understand,' said the man. 'I want to know how he got into my house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years.'
A spokesman for the local police department has said that the theft of twenty sacks of yeast from a bakery is causing rising anxiety.
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, 'Why, Johnny, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?'
'That it is,' Johnny replied grimly, 'ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the fancy dress ball.'
'You mean you pinched his honor?' asked Pat.
'How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?' demanded Johnny.
'Well,' mused Pat, ''tis life and there's a lesson in this somewhere.'
'That there is,' replied Johnny. ''Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover.'
'That it is,' Johnny replied grimly, 'ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the fancy dress ball.'
'You mean you pinched his honor?' asked Pat.
'How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?' demanded Johnny.
'Well,' mused Pat, ''tis life and there's a lesson in this somewhere.'
'That there is,' replied Johnny. ''Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover.'
Brian: What kind of dog is that?
Terry: A police dog.
Brian: Are you sure? It doesn't look much like a police dog.
Terry: That's because it's a plain-clothes police dog.
Terry: A police dog.
Brian: Are you sure? It doesn't look much like a police dog.
Terry: That's because it's a plain-clothes police dog.
Did you hear about the famous artist who was arrested last night by the police?
Today, they released him when they found out that he had been framed.
Today, they released him when they found out that he had been framed.
Did you hear about the Scotsman who was arrested by the police? They charged him with breaking into a five-pound note.
However, they let him go with just a warning as it was his first offense.
However, they let him go with just a warning as it was his first offense.
Did you hear that a truckload of prunes has been stolen? Police are searching for a man on the run.
Did you hear that last night, a truck containing wigs was stolen?
20 policemen are currently combing the area.
20 policemen are currently combing the area.
Did you hear that the police have put out a warning to house owners about a gang of men who recently failed in their attempt to steal the tiles from the roof of a local house?
The police said they were roofless criminals.
The police said they were roofless criminals.
For the first time, a blonde visited Washington, DC, and wanted to see the Capitol building. Since she couldn't find it, she asked a police officer for help - 'Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?'
"At this bus stop, wait for the number 54 bus," the police replied. You will arrive there immediately. The police left after she thanked him, and he drove off.
When the officer returned to the same area three hours later, the blonde was still standing at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, 'To get to the Capitol building, I said you should wait here for the number 54 bus, which was three hours ago! So why are you still waiting?'
The blonde replied, 'Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!'
"At this bus stop, wait for the number 54 bus," the police replied. You will arrive there immediately. The police left after she thanked him, and he drove off.
When the officer returned to the same area three hours later, the blonde was still standing at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said, 'To get to the Capitol building, I said you should wait here for the number 54 bus, which was three hours ago! So why are you still waiting?'
The blonde replied, 'Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!'
Have you heard about the cannibal who applied to join the police force?
He wanted to grill his suspects.
He wanted to grill his suspects.