Overweight
You know you're overweight and need to diet when your knees buckle, but your belt won't.
Bears
What do you get if you cross a small bear with a cow?
Winnie the Moo.
Elephants
What is very large, grey and mutters?
A mumbo-jumbo.
Money
Why is it not difficult to cheat sheep out of their money?
Because it is easy to pull the wool over their eyes.
Cars
What do you call a country where all of the cars are pink?
A pink carnation.
Radio
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alison.
Alison who?
Alison to the radio every morning.
Worry
Famous last words: Don't worry, I can handle it.
Cereal
BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding
Fish
Why is it easy to weigh a fish?
Because it has its own scales!