Joke Topic - 'Plastered'

What do you get if you cross a successful book with perfume.
A best smeller.

Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Have you ever tried ironing one?

What is a baby dog's favorite drink?
Pupsi-Cola.

What happens if a chimp falls and twists his ankle?
He gets a monkey wrench.

Did you hear about the smuggler that saw a ghost?
It was the ghostguard.

Did you hear what happened to the tub of butter?
Well if I tell you about it you need to promise not to spread it around.

Eye drops off shelf

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
One after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.