Joke Topic - 'Plastered'

Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing pink elephants.
Have you seen a psychiatrist?
No - only pink elephants.

What does an astronaut do in the morning before he puts on his clothes?
He takes a meteor shower.

What does a sheep that doesn't like Christmas say?
Baaaa Humbug.

What is big, grey and far too dangerous to appear in a circus?
An elephant with a machine gun.

I heard something this morning that really made me open my eyes.
What was it?
My alarm clock.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jamaica.
Jamaica who?
Jamaica mistake?

Patient: Doctor, I feel like a car!
Doctor: Well, just park yourself over there.

Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.

What is white, light and sugary and swings from trees?
A meringue-utan.