Patient: Doctor, doctor, I think I'm developing a split personality.
Doctor: Well, sit down, both of you.
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Optician
Did you hear about the cross-eyed optician?
He could never see eye to eye with his patients.
Old
MABEL: When I'm old and ugly, will you
still love me?
PERCY: I do, don't I?
Secret Agents
What do you call a secret agent that hangs around department stores?
A counterspy.
Elephants
What is very large, grey and mutters?
A mumbo-jumbo.
Snowman
How did the snowman travel to work?
By icicle.
Pigs
Why is 5 o'clock in the morning a bit like a pigs tail?
Because it's twirly!
The Meek
The meek shall inherit the earth - if that's all right with you?
Vampires
Where do vampires keep their savings?
In the blood bank.
Cows
Q:What do you call a mad cow?
A:mad cow