Joke Topic - 'Peanuts'

Here are 2 jokes on the topic - 'Peanuts'.

There were these two peanuts walking down the street and one was assaulted.

What is red in color and likes to eat peanuts?
An embarrassed elephant.

Here are some randomly selected joke topics

The London Marathon

Did you hear about the two fat men who ran in the London Marathon?
One ran in short bursts, and the other in burst shorts.

Did you hear about the man who stole a truck load of eggs?
He only did it for a yolk.

What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a forged five pound note?
One is a mad bunny, the other is bad money.

Why can't you shock cows?
Because they've herd it all before.

What kind of books do owls like to read?
Whoo-dunnits.

Postman: Is this letter for you? The name is smudged.
Man: No, it can't be for me, my name is Smith.

How do you scare a confirmed bachelor?
Sneak up behind him and start throwing confetti.

Diner: Waiter, there's a bee in my soup.
Waiter: Of course there is sir, it's alphabet soup.

Bill: Does this hot weather disagree with your mother?
Fred: It wouldn't dare!

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