Doctors
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a frog
Go on, hop it!
Farmers
How did the farmer locate his lost cow?
He tractor down.
Mistakes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jamaica.
Jamaica who?
Jamaica mistake?
Remember
I can't remember if I used to be forgetful or not
Dresses
Customer: Would you please let me try on the dressĀ in the window?
Clerk: No, ma'am. You'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.
Money
Why is a dime smarter than a nickel?
Because it has more cents.
Marriage
Husband: Did you marry me just because my father died and left me a fortune?
Wife: No, I would have married you whoever left you a fortune.
Scottish
A Scottish gift: 'It's nae mair use to me; ye're welcome to it.'
Kidding
'Hello, this is Dave. (pause) Hello? Hello!!? Nah, just kidding. This is an answering machine.