Girlfriends
Fred: My girlfriend spends hours in front of the mirror admiring her beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
George: No, it's just imagination.
Lawyers
Lawyers are people who can write a ten thousand word document and call it a brief.
Intelligence
Shock me; say something intelligent.
Scotsmen
What's the difference between a Scotsman and a canoe?
A canoe sometimes tips.
Parents
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Waiters
Waiter, waiter, what's on the menu tonight?
I'm not sure, sir, but it looks like last night's special.
Cows
What TV program is watched mainly by cows?
Moos At Ten.
Astronauts
How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rock-et.
Taxes
Don't overtax yourself; it's the government's job to do that.