A giant panda went into a cafe and ordered a cheeseburger. It sat there quietly eating the cheeseburger, then it got up, took out a gun, shot the waiter, and walked outside.
"Did you see that?" exclaimed a customer. "Why did he do that?" he asked the manager. The manager looked up from the book he was leafing through. "I'm looking it up in the dictionary," he replied. "It says here: "Panda, eats shoots and leaves."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Scottish
Which famous Scottish poet is really setting the place on fire?
Robert Burns.
Christmas
What do male sheep sing at Christmas?
Ewele-tide Carols!
Animals
What type of animal is no fun at a party?
A boar!
Tact
Tact: The unsaid part of what you are thinking.
Chicken
Why did the chicken just pretend it was going to cross the road?
Because it was a practical yoker.
The Ark
Q. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
A. none. Moses was not on the ark.
Cats
Did you hear about the cat who drank 3 bowls of milk?
He set a new lap record.
Dogs
Did you hear about the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite.
Sheep
What does a sheep that doesn't like Christmas say?
Baaaa Humbug.