A decorator was painting a house, and the owner came home to find the man rushing about like a mad thing with his brushes.
'Why are you working so fast?' he asked.
'Well, you see, sir, the paint's running low, and I want to finish the job before it's all gone.'
An idiot was given the job of painting white lines down the middle of a road. On his first day, he painted eight miles; on his second day, he painted 3 miles; and on his third day, he painted just one mile. The boss was not pleased. He asked him, 'Why is it that you are painting less each day?'
'Because each day I get further away from the can of paint.'
I'd give my right ear to paint like Van Gogh
What kind of coat is put on when it is wet?
A coat of paint.
Lawyers
Do you know how to save five drowning lawyers?
No.
Reply: Good!
Cinderella
Why was Cinderella so useless at sport?
Because her coach was a pumpkin.
Monkeys
What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells, jungle bells.
Cannibals
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Books
Old bookkeepers never die; they just lose their figures.
Rome
Which famous comedian invaded Rome?
Attila the Fun.
Drunks
Why did the drunk man dislike the cute little puppy?
Because it was the heir of the dog that bit him.
College
Bill: So your son is at college. What's he going to be when he gets through?
Father: A pensioner.
Stupid
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.