Notice
I've got a bad stomach.
Well, just keep your coat on, and no one will notice.
Elephants
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Have you ever tried ironing one?
Love
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yule.
Yule who?
Yule never know just how much I love you.
Cows
What do you call a cow that just had a calf?
Decalfinated!
Baseball
What did the baseball glove say to the baseball?
I'll catch you later!
Advice
Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
Soap
Customer: I'd like a bar of soap, please.
Shop Assistant: Would you like it scented?
Customer: No, I want to take it with me now.
Drinking
Hey, Noah, do you want a drink?
Noah, don't.
Change A Lightbulb
How many British Rail staff does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One is to change the bulb, and one is to apologize for the delay.