Joke Topic - 'Oliver Twist'

Mum, can I please have a dog for Christmas?
No, you will have turkey like everyone else!

Why was the football coach yelling at the vending machine?
He wanted his quarter back.

Why did the idiot put on wet trousers?
Because the label said 'wash and wear.'

My mum said to my uncle, 'What's got four legs and flies?'
My uncle said, 'Don't tell me, the horse is dead.'

Why do bananas never get lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.

What do you call a happy teddy bear?
Content-ted.

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus on Christmas Eve?
Well, that wraps it up for another year.

What type of dog wears a uniform and a badge?
A guard dog.

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a car.
Doctor: I would recommend you to take a brake.