Joke Topic - 'Ointment'

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.

Mary: I think I know why your apples are so red.
Shopkeeper: Why?
Mary: Because they are blushing at the price you are charging for them.

Doctor, Doctor.
My sister thinks she's a seabird.
She'll just have to wait her tern.

You know your boyfriend is in love with you when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

Police Officer: Why are you driving you car wearing only a bathing suit?
Motorist: I'm in a car pool.

Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

What do you call a cow that just had a calf?
Decalfinated!

Patient: What's the best way to avoid getting wrinkles?
Doctor: Don't sleep in your clothes.

Bill: Today is my wife's birthday.
Phil: What are you getting for her?
Bill: Make me an offer!