Did you hear about the young man who got really worried when his nose kept growing until it was eleven inches long?
He thought it might turn into a foot.
How do you stop your nose running?
Hide its trainers.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ahab.
Ahab who?
Ahab a cold in my nose.
This man went to the doctor. He said, 'Doctor, my nose runs, and my feet smell.'
The doctor said, 'You're built upside down.'
When they were handing out noses, you thought they said roses, so you asked for a big red one.
Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
Dogs
Which type of dog always knows what time it is?
A watchdog!
Buried
Bill: Why do you want to be buried at sea?
Fred: Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.
Blondes
What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A whine cellar.
Cows
What type of events do cows like to go to?
Barn Dances.
Cricket
Did you hear about the woman who fell in love with a famous cricket player?
She was completely bowled over by him.
Cannibals
Two cannibals were having lunch.
One cannibal said, 'Your wife makes a great soup.'
'Yes,' said the other one, 'but I'm sure gonna miss her.'
Cats
What is a cat's favorite color?
Purr-ple.
Paranoid
Did you hear about the paranoid bloodhound?
He was convinced that certain people were following him.
Waiters
Waiter, waiter, there seems to be a dead fly floating in my soup.
Yes, sir, it's the hot water that kills them.