Joke Topic - 'Never Listen'

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Marion.
Marion, who?
Marion haste, repent at leisure.

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a pack of cards.
Sit down and I'll deal with you later.

What time is it when a chinaman goes to the dentist?
Two-thirty (Tooth hurty).

What is the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
The lawyer charges more.

How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

What type of vegetables do plumbers fix?
Leeks.

What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Extra large, with everybody on it.