Joke Topic - 'Nervous'

What's green, has four legs and two trunks?
Two seasick tourists.

Why did the lawyer cross the road?
To get to the car accident on the other side.

What are gnomes the most afraid of at Christmas?
That Father Christmas will give them the sack.

You know you're having a bad day when - Everyone is laughing but you.

My wife thinks she should have a dishwasher.
You're lucky. Mine thinks she married one.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya who?
I didn't know you were a cowboy.

What did the vampire call his false teeth?
A new fangled device.

What did the ghost say to his wife when he came home?
Hello, boo-tiful!

What does a cat like to eat for dessert?
Mice pudding!