Soda
Did you hear about the man who fell out of a 10-story window and landed on a bottle of soda?
He survived because it was a soft drink.
Tourists
What do you get if you cross a tourist and an elephant?
Something that carries its own trunk.
Pianos
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a piano.
Doctor: Wait while I make some notes.
Caution
CAUTION! I Drive The Same Way As You!
Teachers
Why are maths teachers so useless at gardening?
Everything that they plant grows square roots.
Mice
What has three tails, twelve legs, and can't see?
Three blind mice.
Astronauts
Why were the astronauts not hungry?
Because they recently had a big launch.
Bees
What do you call a very young bee?
A babe-bee.
Drunks
The drunker I sit here, the longer I get.