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Joke Topic - 'Motorists' - 8 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
A driver who was speeding down Main Street in a small town was pulled over by a policeman. The man started, "But officer, I can explain."
The cop yelled, "Just be quiet." "I'm going to send you to jail to cool your heels until the chief returns."
'But, officer, I just wanted to say...'
'And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!'
After a few hours, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'It's lucky for you, the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He is sure to be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'I wouldn't count on that,' replied the fellow in the cell. 'I'm the groom.'
The cop yelled, "Just be quiet." "I'm going to send you to jail to cool your heels until the chief returns."
'But, officer, I just wanted to say...'
'And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!'
After a few hours, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'It's lucky for you, the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He is sure to be in a good mood when he gets back.'
'I wouldn't count on that,' replied the fellow in the cell. 'I'm the groom.'
A traffic cop flagged down a motorist and said, 'I'm arresting you for going through three red lights.'
'Yeah, well, I'm color blind,' said the motorist.
'In addition to that, you exceeded the speed limit,' said the policeman.
'So what?' said the motorist.
' And on top of all that, you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,' added the officer.
'' I always did have a lousy sense of direction,' said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the back seat and said, 'Don't pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he's had a few drinks.'
'Yeah, well, I'm color blind,' said the motorist.
'In addition to that, you exceeded the speed limit,' said the policeman.
'So what?' said the motorist.
' And on top of all that, you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,' added the officer.
'' I always did have a lousy sense of direction,' said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the back seat and said, 'Don't pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he's had a few drinks.'
Did you hear about the motorist on a tour of Scotland who went into a garage and asked them to fit his car with a set of Mull of Kin tyres?
Magistrate: 'But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honor, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honor, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'
Motorist: 'But, officer, I was speeding because I'm late for an appointment with my lawyer.'
Policeman: 'Well, now you've got something else to tell him.'
Policeman: 'Well, now you've got something else to tell him.'
Traffic policeman: 'Didn't you hear me shout to you to pull over?'
Motorist: 'I'm awfully sorry. I thought you said 'Good morning, Chief Constable.' '
Traffic policeman: 'That's all right, sir. I just wanted to warn you that the traffic's pretty bad up ahead.'
Motorist: 'I'm awfully sorry. I thought you said 'Good morning, Chief Constable.' '
Traffic policeman: 'That's all right, sir. I just wanted to warn you that the traffic's pretty bad up ahead.'
Twelve-year-old's essay on 'What would you do to try and encourage motorists to show more consideration for others?': 'I would drive a police car.'
What did the shy traffic light say to the motorist?
Don't look now - I'm changing!
Don't look now - I'm changing!