A traffic cop flagged down a motorist and said, 'I'm arresting you for going through three red lights.'
'Yeah, well, I'm colour blind,' said the motorist.
'In addition to that, you were exceeding the speed limit,' said the policeman.
'So what?' said the motorist.
'And on top of all that you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,' added the officer.
''I always did have a lousy sense of direction,' said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the, back seat and said, 'Don't pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he's had a few drinks.'
Magistrate: 'But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'
Motorist: 'But, officer, I was speeding because I'm late for
an appointment with my lawyer.'
Policeman: 'Well, now you've got something else to tell him.'
Traffic policeman: 'Didn't you hear me shout to you to pull over?'
Motorist: 'I'm awfully sorry. I thought you said "Good morning, Chief Constable." '
Traffic policeman: 'That's all right, sir. I just wanted to warn you that the traffic's pretty bad up ahead.'
Twelve year old's essay on 'what would you do to try and encourage motorists to show more consideration for others?': 'I would drive a police car.'
What did the shy traffic light say to the motorist?
Don't look now - I'm changing!
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Ghosts
Why do ghosts never feel guilty about what they have done?
Because they have a clear conscience.
Oranges
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
It ran out of juice.
Money
Passer-by: What are you digging for?
Workman: Money.
Passer-by: And when do you expect to get it?
Workman: Pay-day.
Driving
I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be
Bee
Why is a bee like an insult?
Because both carry a sting!
Doctors
Patient: I have a splinter in my finger.
Doctor: Well, that's what you get for scratching your head.
Cows
Why did the cow jump over the moon?
The milkmaid had cold hands.
London
Did you hear about the man from London who became very thirsty when he went to visit his relatives in Vancouver?
He drank Canada Dry.
Scotsman
Did you hear about the Scotsman who washed his kilt?
He couldn't do a fling with it.