Home / Joke Topics Index / Joke Topics - M / Joke Topic - Motorists - 1
Joke Topic - 'Motorists'
A traffic cop flagged down a motorist and said, 'I'm arresting you for going through three red lights.'
'Yeah, well, I'm colour blind,' said the motorist.
'In addition to that, you were exceeding the speed limit,' said the policeman.
'So what?' said the motorist.
'And on top of all that you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,' added the officer.
''I always did have a lousy sense of direction,' said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the, back seat and said, 'Don't pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he's had a few drinks.'
'Yeah, well, I'm colour blind,' said the motorist.
'In addition to that, you were exceeding the speed limit,' said the policeman.
'So what?' said the motorist.
'And on top of all that you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,' added the officer.
''I always did have a lousy sense of direction,' said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the, back seat and said, 'Don't pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he's had a few drinks.'
Magistrate: 'But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'
Motorist: 'But, officer, I was speeding because I'm late for
an appointment with my lawyer.'
Policeman: 'Well, now you've got something else to tell him.'
Policeman: 'Well, now you've got something else to tell him.'
Traffic policeman: 'Didn't you hear me shout to you to pull over?'
Motorist: 'I'm awfully sorry. I thought you said "Good morning, Chief Constable." '
Traffic policeman: 'That's all right, sir. I just wanted to warn you that the traffic's pretty bad up ahead.'
Motorist: 'I'm awfully sorry. I thought you said "Good morning, Chief Constable." '
Traffic policeman: 'That's all right, sir. I just wanted to warn you that the traffic's pretty bad up ahead.'
Twelve year old's essay on 'what would you do to try and encourage motorists to show more consideration for others?': 'I would drive a police car.'
What did the shy traffic light say to the motorist?
Don't look now - I'm changing!
Don't look now - I'm changing!
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Trees
What is white, light and sugary and swings from trees?
A meringue-utan.
A meringue-utan.
Restaurants
I went to a restaurant that was so expensive that they didn't have prices on the menu - just little faces with varying expressions of horror.
Insects
Which insects are the most loyal?
Ticks. Once they find a friend, they stick to them.
Ticks. Once they find a friend, they stick to them.
Vampires
What did the vampire say when he called the blood bank?
Do you do home deliveries?
Do you do home deliveries?
Doctors
Doctor: Have you ever had this problem before?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you've got it again!
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: Well, you've got it again!
Rabbits
There was a man who painted rabbits all over his bald head.
Claimed they looked like hares from a distance.
Claimed they looked like hares from a distance.
Folk Singers
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Six - one to do all the work and five to write a song about how good the old one was.
Six - one to do all the work and five to write a song about how good the old one was.
Parliament
Guy Fawkes was the sanest man who ever went into the Houses of Parliament - and look what happened to him.
Light Bulbs
How does an engineer change a light bulb?
As long as lighting levels are within operational parameters, he doesn't !
As long as lighting levels are within operational parameters, he doesn't !
This is page 1 of 1