A traffic cop flagged down a motorist and said, 'I'm arresting you for going through three red lights.'
'Yeah, well, I'm colour blind,' said the motorist.
'In addition to that, you were exceeding the speed limit,' said the policeman.
'So what?' said the motorist.
'And on top of all that you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,' added the officer.
''I always did have a lousy sense of direction,' said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the, back seat and said, 'Don't pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he's had a few drinks.'
Magistrate: 'But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'
Motorist: 'But, officer, I was speeding because I'm late for
an appointment with my lawyer.'
Policeman: 'Well, now you've got something else to tell him.'
Traffic policeman: 'Didn't you hear me shout to you to pull over?'
Motorist: 'I'm awfully sorry. I thought you said "Good morning, Chief Constable." '
Traffic policeman: 'That's all right, sir. I just wanted to warn you that the traffic's pretty bad up ahead.'
Twelve year old's essay on 'what would you do to try and encourage motorists to show more consideration for others?': 'I would drive a police car.'
What did the shy traffic light say to the motorist?
Don't look now - I'm changing!
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Drunks
Why did the drunk man dislike the cute little puppy?
Because it was the heir of the dog that bit him.
Hill
What do you call a man who lives on the sheltered side of a hill?
Lee.
Lawyers
What do you call an honest lawyer?
An impossibility.
Hair
Is that your hair or has someone poured a plate of spaghetti over your head?
Ancestors
Joe: I can trace my ancestors all the way back to Columbus.
Bud: Back to 1492?
Joe: No, to Ohio.
Father Christmas
Why is a lion in the desert like Father Christmas?
Because it has sandy claws.
Door
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Emmett.
Emmett who?
Emmett the front door, not the back one.
Steak
Diner: Waiter, when I ordered this steak, I said "Well done".
Waiter: Thank you Sir.
Abbreviation
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?