A cannibal captured a missionary in the depths of the jungle. He asked him about the most enjoyable way to consume him. 'Boiled or roasted?'
The missionary said, 'To tell you the truth, I'm a friar.'
A missionary in a remote jungle outpost found himself face to face with a ferocious lion. Knowing he was doomed for certain, he kneeled down and said his prayers. To his astonishment, the lion, too, kneeled quietly. 'Praise God! This is a miracle!' the joyous missionary shouted. 'Quiet!' growled the lion, 'I'm saying grace ...'
First Cannibal: 'We had robbers at our house yesterday.'
Second Cannibal: 'Did you enjoy them?'
First Cannibal: 'Yes, but they weren't as good as the missionaries we had last week.'
Politicians
Crime is merely politics without excuses.
Space
What do you call a wizard who travels in outer space?
A flying sorcerer.
Skeletons
How did the skeleton know it would rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
Elephants
What do you call an elephant who isn't important?
An irrelephant.
Knock Knock
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Faye.
Faye who?
Fayeding away.
Batman
My girlfriend said she's leaving me because I'm always talking about Batman.
What a joker she is.
Husbands
Did you hear about the husband who took his wife for some plastic surgery?
He had her credit cards removed!
Drunks
The drunker I sit here, the longer I get.
Calendars
Why did the calendar cross the road?
Because his days were numbered.