Elephants
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
Cannibals
What do the guests do at a cannibal wedding?
They toast the bride and groom.
Newspapers
When a man was reading the newspaper, his wife asked, 'Will you still love me when I'm old and grey?'
'Sure I do,' he mumbled.
Vacations
Where does Dr. Jekyll go for a vacation?
To his summer Hyde-away.
Calendars
Why was the calendar sad?
Because its days were numbered.
Cars
What do cars do at the disco?
Brake dance.
Knock Knock
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ben Hur who?
Ben Hur for over an hour - let me in!
Lightbulbs
How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
One-third less than for a regular bulb.
Divorce
We decided to get married on Friday the 13th. If things don't work out, at least we'll have something to blame the divorce on.