Woman in butcher's shop: "what's the cheapest meat that you have?"
Butcher: "Whale meat, madam."
Woman: "How much is it".
Butcher: "Thirty pence a kilo."
Woman: "Well give me a quarter-kilo, and can you throw in the head, for my cat."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Teachers
Old teachers never die. They just lose their class.
Cold
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Ken I come in? It's really cold standing here.
Dogs
What do you call a dog that works in a library?
A hush-puppy!
Gone Forever
"It's gone forever - gone forever I tell you."
"What has?"
"Yesterday."
Human
To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy.
Girlfriends
What did the undertaker say to his new girlfriend?
Em-balmy about you.
Horses
Where did the newlywed horses stay?
In the bridle suite.
Distress
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Distress.
Distress who?
Distress is brand new.
Knock Knock
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Doris
Doris who?
Doris open.
Come on in!