'Are you married?'
'No, I've always been round-shouldered.'
At what time of year do bedbugs like to get married?
In the spring.
Did you hear about the school teacher who married a dairymaid?
It didn't last. They were like chalk and cheese.
Did you hear about the two boa constrictors who recently got married?
They had a crush on each other.
Father Cannibal To Daughter: It's time you got married. We'll start looking for an edible bachelor.
Janice: Today is my fourth wedding anniversary.
Anne: So you and Robert have been married four years?
Janice: No. Robert's my fourth husband.
Jill: When are you thinking about getting married?
Jean: Constantly.
Mary: I've been asked to get married lots of times.
Jane: Who asked you?
Mary: My parents.
My brother said, 'You'd better know from the start that my favourite food is trash and onions.'
The girl said, 'Tripe.'
He said, 'Don't start arguing before we're married.'
My girlfriend just saved me a lot of money - she married someone else.