A Scot from Aberdeen was on holiday in London and every night he returned to his hotel full of the wonders of the city. So much so that another guest asked: 'Is this your first visit?'
'Aye, it is.'
'You seem to be having a great time.'
'Aye, I am that.'
'Good.'
'And what's more, it's not just a holiday. It's my honeymoon as well.'
'Oh. Then where's your wife?'
'Och. She's been here before.'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Vampire
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a hyena?
A animal that laughs at the sight of blood.
Bankers
Why did the banker decide to break up with his latest girlfriend?
He lost interest.
Lifeguards
What do you call a lifeguard with no legs?
Bob.
Texas
Did you hear about the kid from Texas who got all the way the finals of a national spelling bee but then lost out because he couldn't spell 'small'.
Mickey Mouse
Why did NASA send Mickey Mouse into outer space?
To help look for Pluto.
Football
Why is a football stadium always so cool?
Because its full of fans.
Girlfriends
Jack: I'd go through anything for you.
Mary: Just the door will be enough.
Idiots
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
I'll tell you later.
Paranoid
Did you hear about the paranoid blood hound?
He was convinced that certain people were following him.