"Hello, I am actually home at the moment, but I really don't feel like listening to whatever your problem is. So, If you leave your name and number at the tone, when I feel like responding to your message, I will."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Politicians
There are two sorts of politicians: those who can talk nonsense on any subject under the sun, and those who don’t need a subject.
Bees
What do bees use to brush their hair?
Honey-combs.
Memory
How can you tell your computer is getting old?
It begins to lose its memory.
Knock Knock
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Mae.
Mae who?
Mae be I'll tell you if you let me in.
Pop
What do you call a pop group made up of animal doctors?
Vet, Vet, Vet.
Aunties
How do you make anti-freeze?
Send her to the North Pole.
Pessimists
How many PESSIMISTS does it take to change a light-bulb?
"What's the point? It'll only blow again."
Maths
Primary maths pupil's answer to question, `take 9 from 246 as many times as possible': `I did it fifty times and I always got 237.'
Intelligent
Is there intelligent life on earth? Yes but I'm only visiting