"Hello, I am actually home at the moment, but I really don't feel like listening to whatever your problem is. So, If you leave your name and number at the tone, when I feel like responding to your message, I will."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Rome
Which famous comedian invaded Rome?
Attila the Fun.
Amnesia
Patient: I Think I've got amnesia.
Doctor: Okay, then I will ask for my fee in advance.
Girlfriend
Fred: My girlfriend has just left on a cruise to the West Indies.
George: Jamaica?
Fred: No, she wanted to go.
Fathers
Did you hear about the child who was named after his father?
They called him dad.
Surrealists
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A fish.
Wife
Fred: Did you meet your wife at the airport yesterday?
Joe: No, I met her at a dance about ten years ago.
Jewel
Knock, knock
Who's there ?
jewel
jewel who?
jewel see better if you open the door
Worry
Famous last words: Don`t worry, I can handle it.
Cannibals
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who got married, and at the wedding reception, toasted his mother-in-law?