"Hello, I am actually home at the moment, but I really don't feel like listening to whatever your problem is. So, If you leave your name and number at the tone, when I feel like responding to your message, I will."
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Taxidermist
Did you hear about the idiot who thought a taxidermist was someone who stuffs dead cab drivers?
Dandruff
Do you suffer from Dan Druff?
Well, just tell him to go away and leave you alone.
Price
The price of duck feathers has just been increased.
This means that now even down is up.
Towels
What gets wet while it dries?
A towel.
Labor
Heavy labor is aardvark ... but it pays well
Blondes
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: I dont know, and neither does she.
Fish
Did you hear about the a fish that wanted to borrow some money?
He went to visit the loan shark.
Ghosts
What do you call two ghosts who repeatedly press your doorbell?
Dead ringers.
Monsters
What should you do with a green monster?
Wait until he is ripe.