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Joke Topic - 'Lawyers' - Page 5 - With 12 More Jokes and Funny Stories
The attorney sneered at a witness who was testifying in court, saying, 'For a man of your background you appear to have more than the average share of intelligence.'
'If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment,' replied the witness.
3>'If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment,' replied the witness.
The defense attorney told his client, 'I have good news and terrible news.
'First, the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene.'
'Oh, no!' cried the client. 'What's the good news?'
'Your cholesterol is down to 140.'
3>'First, the bad news. The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with that found at the crime scene.'
'Oh, no!' cried the client. 'What's the good news?'
'Your cholesterol is down to 140.'
The highway department arrived at the scene of the accident, where there were skid marks that began 25 feet away and led up to the skunk. They went to great lengths to inform the family of the catastrophe despite the fact that they had to pick up the first casualty and give him a befitting burial. Of course, they had to put clothes pins on their noses and rubber gloves on before removing the lawyer.
3>The lawyer spoke to his client. 'Well. Do you really want me to offer you my honest opinion?
'I don't.' said the client. 'I want your professional advice.'
2>'I don't.' said the client. 'I want your professional advice.'
The prosecuting attorney attacked a witness at the height of a political corruption trial. 'Isn't it true,' he asked loudly, 'that you accepted a sum of money to compromise this case?' The witness gazed out the window, seemingly oblivious to the question being asked. Once more, the prosecutor bellowed, "Is it accurate to say that you took $5,000 in order to undermine this case?" The witness remained unresponsive. At last, the judge leaned forward and politely requested, 'Sir, kindly respond to the question.'
'Oh,' the surprised witness remarked, 'I assumed he was addressing you.'
4>'Oh,' the surprised witness remarked, 'I assumed he was addressing you.'
The trouble with the legal profession is that 98 percent of its members give it a bad name.
2>Two lawyer partners leave their office to eat lunch. The junior partner hits himself on the head in the middle of lunch. "I forgot to lock the safe in the office before we left."
His partner replies, ' What are you worried about? We're both here.'
3>His partner replies, ' What are you worried about? We're both here.'
Two women who hadn't seen each other for five years met while shopping. One woman said, 'I heard that you got married.'
'Yes,' said the second woman, 'I married a lawyer, and an honest man too.'
'Oh,' said the first woman, 'Isn't that bigamy?'
3>'Yes,' said the second woman, 'I married a lawyer, and an honest man too.'
'Oh,' said the first woman, 'Isn't that bigamy?'
Up until you employ a lawyer, talk is cheap.
1>Walking into a lawyer's office, a man asked his rates. 'Fifty dollars for three questions,' the lawyer stated.
' Isn't that expensive?' the man asked?'
'Yes,' replied the lawyer. 'What's your third question?'
3>' Isn't that expensive?' the man asked?'
'Yes,' replied the lawyer. 'What's your third question?'
What an amazing lawyer he was. Once, he got a jury so confused that they sent the judge to jail.
2>What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
1>They make used car salesmen look good.