Calendars
Why did the calendar cross the road?
Because his days were numbered.
Blondes
Why don't blondes eat Jello?
They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packets.
Cats
What did the female cat say to the male cat?
You're the purrfect cat for me.
Marriage
Henry: Darling. Will you marry me?
Jane: No. But I will always admire your good taste.
Doctors
The doctor said, 'Is your cough better now?'
My brother said, 'Oh yes, much better. I've been practising for weeks.'
Blondes
Why shouldn't blondes be given a coffee break?
It takes too long to retrain them.
Frogs
What do you get if you cross a frog with some mist?
Kermit the Fog.
Pigs
Why did the pig have ink all over his face?
Because it came out of the pen.
Baseball
When is a baseball umpire like a telephone operator?
When he makes a call?