Joke Topic - 'Judges'

A drunk was brought before the court. 'Mister,' the judge began, 'you've been brought here for drinking.'
'Great!' the drunk exclaimed. 'When do we get started?'

A little girl went to the Judge and asked to be taken away from her parents ...
Judge: 'Little girl, don't you want to live with your Mommy?'
Little Girl: 'No, my Mommy beats me.'
Judge: 'Little girl, don't you want to live with your Daddy?'
Little Girl: 'No, my Daddy beats me too.'
Judge: 'Well, little girl, who do you want to live with?'
Little Girl: 'I want to live with the Cubs because they never beat anyone!'

A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, 'What will you take: 30 days or $30?'
The man thought and replied, 'I think I'll take the money.'

Did you hear about the blacksmith who appeared in court?
The judge found him guilty of forging.

Did you hear about the robber who stole a lamp?
The judge gave him a light sentence.

How do you learn to be a judge?
Usually by trial and error.

In a semi-small city, a judge was presiding over a drunk-driving case when the accused, who was known for his history of drunk driving, asked for a trial by jury. It was already four o'clock in the afternoon, and the process of selecting a jury would take some time. As a result, the judge ordered a recess and walked out into the hallway to hunt for people who were willing to serve on the jury. In the main lobby, he located twelve lawyers and informed them that they were on the jury.
The lawyers felt it would be an interesting experience, so they followed the judge back into the courtroom. The trial ended in about 10 minutes, and it was evident that the defendant was guilty. The judge began preparing to leave, the jury entered the jury room, and everyone waited.
After nearly three hours, the judge lost patience and sent the bailiff into the jury room to check what was causing the delay in the verdict. After the bailiff came back, the judge inquired, "Well, have they got a verdict yet?"
"Verdict?" the bailiff asked, shaking his head. They're continuing to give speeches to nominate people for the role of foreman!

Judge: 'Do you wish to challenge any of the jury?
Prisoner: 'Well, I think I can lick that little fellow on this end...'

Judge: You say you want a divorce because your husband is careless about his appearance?
Wife: That's correct, your Honor. He hasn't shown up in almost five years.

My brother was up in court last week. The judge said, 'What is this man charged with?' The policeman said, 'He opened a shop, sir.'
The judge said, 'And what is wrong with opening a shop?'
The policeman said, 'Well, it wasn't his shop, sir.'

Robber: Your Honor. I'm sorry for breaking into the Italian restaurant.
Judge: Thirty days for disturbing the pizza.

The judge asked the dentist: 'Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?'