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Joke Topic - 'Judges'

Here are 14 jokes on the topic - 'Judges'.

Related Topics: Lawyers (92) Law (6) Attorney (2)

A drunk was brought before the court. "Mister," the judge began, "you've been brought here for drinking."
"Great!" the drunk exclaimed. "When do we get started?"

A judge in a semi-small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendent, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.
The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendent was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited.
After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?"
The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"

A little girl went to the Judge and asked to be taken away from her parents ...
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Mommy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Mommy beats me."
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Daddy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Daddy beats me too."
Judge: "Well little girl, who do you want to live with?"
Little Girl: "I want to live with the Cubs because they never beat anyone!"

How do you learn to be a judge?
Usually by trial and error.

Judge: "Do you wish to challenge any of the jury?
Prisoner: "Well, I think I can lick that little fellow on this end..."

Judge: You say you want a divorce because your husband is careless about his appearance?
Wife: That's correct your Honor. He hasn't shown up in almost five years.

My brother was up in court last week. The judge said, 'What is this man charged with?' The policeman said, 'He opened a shop sir.'
The judge said, 'And what is wrong with opening a shop?'
The policeman said, 'Well it wasn't his shop sir.'

Robber: Your Honor. I'm sorry for breaking into the Italian restaurant.
Judge: Thirty days for disturbing the pizza.

The judge fined the offender fifty dollars and told him if he was caught again, he would be thrown in jail. Fine today, cooler tomorrow.

This man was called up before the judge. He said, 'Your honour, why do you keep leaping up and down?'
The judge said, 'Why do you think? It's a kangaroo court.'

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