Truck Drivers
Why did the truck driver drive his truck off the cliff?
He wanted to try out the air brakes.
Relatives
What type of person lives the longest?
A rich relative.
Accountants
My accountant told me that the only reason why my business is looking up is that it's flat on its back.
Dogs
Why did the dog run after the duck?
Because everyone kept telling him to get down.
Soda
Did you hear about the man who fell out of a 10-story window and landed on a bottle of soda?
He survived because it was a soft drink.
Vampires
What type of restaurants are vampires careful to avoid?
Stakehouses!
Potatoes
Definition of a 'commentator' - an average potato.
Having A Bad Day
You know you're having a bad day when your ex-wife is your blind date.
Ants
What do you call a baby ant?
An inf-ant.