Joke Topic - 'Incompetence'

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

Julie: It takes me an hour to get to work in the morning.
Jean: Is that before or after you arrive?

I've lived on vegetables all my life
- that's nothing, I've lived on earth!

What do Santa's little helpers learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.

What type of trains do ballet dancers ride?
Tutu trains.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Dakota.
Dakota who?
Dakota fits perfectly, but the trousers are too long.

Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?
At parking meteors.

What do you get if you cross a vampire with some peanut butter?
A vampire that sticks to the roof of your mouth!

What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common?
They are four ways you can lose your home.