Joke Topic - 'Improvement'

What is the difference between crime and politics?
In crime it's take the money and run; in politics it's the other way around.

I never get lost - everyone tells me where to go.

Let him who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Waiter, waiter, you're not fit to serve a pig.
I'm trying my best, sir.

What do you call a lifeguard with no legs?
Bob.

Why is it risky to tell funny jokes to Humpty Dumpty?
Because he might crack up.

How was the Grand Canyon in America formed?
A Scotsman was there on holiday and dropped a dime.

What did the shy traffic light say to the motorist?
Don't look now - I'm changing!