Fred goes into a hotel and says to the receptionist, 'I'd like a room, please.'
Receptionist: 'Single, Sir?'
Fred: 'Yes, but I am engaged.'
Hotel Guest: 'Can you give me a room and a bath, please?'
Receptionist: 'I can give you a room, but you'll have to take your own bath.'
Hotel Porter: 'May I carry your bag, sir?'
Hotel Guest: 'No, that won't be necessary; my wife is perfectly capable of walking.'
The one good thing you can say about the food in our vacation hotel is that at least they're considerate enough to give you only small portions.
Where does Father Christmas stay when he takes a vacation?
In a ho ho hotel.
Christmas
Why does Santa have three gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.
Love
Jesus loves you, but most people think you are an idiot.
Cows
What do you get if you cross a cow with a famous hunchback?
Quasi-moo-do.
Dogs
What kind of dog is good at looking after children?
A baby setter.
Skeletons
Why did the skeleton laugh?
Because it had a funny bone.
Doctors
Doctor, doctor! I'm becoming invisible.
Yes, I can see you're not all there.
Actors
Did you hear about the extremely vain actor?
He would bow when he opened the fridge door, and the light came on.
Christmas
How did the man feel after eating a whole Christmas goose?
He felt pretty down.
Scottish
What is the name of a Scottish cloakroom attendant?
Willie Angus McCoatup.