My mum was in hospital, and the doctor said, 'Listen, I want you to drink a Guinness after your bath every day.'
My mum said, 'If I drink my bath I won't have room for a Guinness.'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Convicts
What do you call a convict who dresses up as a clown?
Silicon.
Doctors
Doctor, doctor, I think I've gone a funny color.
Nonsense, it's just a pigment of your imagination.
Doctors
What did the doctor say to the tonsil?
You look so cute, I would like to take you out.
Factory
Billy: Why did you quit your job at the toffee
factory?
Joe: I bit off more than I could chew.
Chicken
Why did the chicken just pretend it was going to cross the road?
Because it was a practical yoker.
Feet
Yo mama's feet are so big, her shoes need license plates.
Park
Now where did I park my hard drive?
Police
Police move in book case
Police
What do the police call it when they watch a vampire's castle?
A stake out.