Intelligence
Did you hear about the extremely intelligent monster?
He was called Frank Einstein.
Waiters
'Waiter! There's a fly in my alphabet soup!'
I expect it's learning to read, sir.'
Soccer
What do you get if you cross a football team with ice cream?
Aston vanilla.
Deer
What do you get if you teach a deer to be a hairdresser?
A styling mousse.
Everyone
What is everyone doing at the same time?
Growing older.
Wives
I take my wife out every night, but she always manages to find her way home.
Soda
Did you hear about the man who fell out of a 10-story window and landed on a bottle of soda?
He survived because it was a soft drink.
Pigeons
Where do pigeons meet for coffee?
In a nest-cafe.
Lawyers
Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.