Teenagers
How many TEENAGERS does it take to change a light bulb?
'Do it yourself - it's your house! What am I, some kind of personal slave or something?'
Politicians
The statesman shears the sheep; the politician skins them.
Barbers
Why do ex-barbers make such good parcel delivery drivers?
They know all the shortcuts.
Judges
Judge: 'Do you wish to challenge any of the jury?
Prisoner: 'Well, I think I can lick that little fellow on this end...'
Dogs
What should you say to a dog before he eats?
Bone appetite!
Bachelors
A bachelor is a man who has not made the same mistake once.
Money
My brother said, 'I'm going to become a forger. I'm going to make some big money.'
I said, 'Don't make it too big or someone will notice.'
Birds
What kind of birds are usually locked up?
Jail-birds.
Dogs
Did you hear about the dog that ate nothing but garlic?
His bark was much worse than his bite.