Girlfriends
Billy: My girlfriend has what is known as a sympathetic face.
John: What do you mean?
Billy: When people see her face, they feel sympathetic.
Police
Did you hear that last night, a truck containing wigs was stolen?
20 policemen are currently combing the area.
Pigs
What do you get if you cross a pig with Count Dracula?
A hampire.
Magicians
What do you call a lady magician?
Trixie.
Eating
Waiter, waiter, I can't eat this.
Why not, sir?
Because you haven't given me a knife and fork.
Offices
'Duties will vary.'
Anyone in the office can boss you around and tell you what to do.
Animals
What type of animal is no fun at a party?
A boar!
Money
Why is money called dough?
Because we are all in knead of it.
Gravity
What is the center of gravity?
The letter v.