A traffic policeman stops a woman and asks to see her driving licence.
'Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses when driving.'
'Well,' replies the woman, 'I have contacts.'
'Lady, I don't care who you know, your still going to get a ticket.'
Tim: I hear you use three pairs of glasses.
Tom: That's right. One for reading, one for distance, and one to look for the other two.
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Hands
What has two hands, but no fingers?
A Clock.
Cars
Which parts of a car are the laziest?
The wheels. They are always tired.
Bicycles
What did the bicycle call its father?
Pop-cycle.
Witches
How did the witch know that she was ill?
She had a dizzy spell.
Baker
Did you hear about the baker who got an electric shock?
He stood on a bun and a current ran up his leg.
Computers
How do you park a computer?
You back it up.
Animal
Which animal should you never trust?
A cheetah.
Rabbits
Did you hear about the rich rabbit?
He was a millionhare.
Doctors
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a window.
Doctor: Tell me where the pane is.