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Joke Topic - 'Girlfriends' - 48 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
Here are 48 jokes on the topic - 'Girlfriends'.
A Scotsman wanted to impress his girlfriend, so he took her for a ride in a taxi. The trouble was that she was so beautiful that he could hardly keep his eyes on the meter.
2>A soccer fan took his new girlfriend to a match for the first time, and answered all her questions as she inquired about the function of every player.
'And what's that man in front of the net?' she asked.
'He's the goalkeeper.'
'And what does he do?'
'He has to keep the ball from going in the net.'
'Ah. And how much is he paid?'
'Oh, about 2000 pounds a week.'
'Oh,' said the girl, 'wouldn't it be cheaper to board it up?'
3>'And what's that man in front of the net?' she asked.
'He's the goalkeeper.'
'And what does he do?'
'He has to keep the ball from going in the net.'
'Ah. And how much is he paid?'
'Oh, about 2000 pounds a week.'
'Oh,' said the girl, 'wouldn't it be cheaper to board it up?'
Billy: My girlfriend has what is known as a sympathetic face.
John: What do you mean?
Billy: When people see her face, they feel sympathetic.
2>John: What do you mean?
Billy: When people see her face, they feel sympathetic.
Bob: I call my girlfriend Sugar.
Joe: Why is that?
Bob: Because she's so refined.
1>Joe: Why is that?
Bob: Because she's so refined.
Boyfriend: Is that a new perfume I smell?
Girlfriend: It is, and you do!
1>Girlfriend: It is, and you do!
Boyfriend: You look good enough to eat.
Girlfriend: I do eat. Which restaurant shall we go to?
2>Girlfriend: I do eat. Which restaurant shall we go to?
Dear Tech Support:
Last year, I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating system files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but ended up with more problems than in the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support.' I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation.
Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'! (GPFs.) Your Wife1.0 does a scan for GPFs during its monthly program maintenance scan (PMS).
You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C: \ APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C: \ YESDEAR because, ultimately, you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system returns to normal anyway.
Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2.
You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
WARNING!!!
DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
5>Last year, I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other system activity.
Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a primary misconception.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating system files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but ended up with more problems than in the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support.' I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation.
Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you read the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'! (GPFs.) Your Wife1.0 does a scan for GPFs during its monthly program maintenance scan (PMS).
You must assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C: \ APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive use of C: \ YESDEAR because, ultimately, you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system returns to normal anyway.
Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2.
You must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.
WARNING!!!
DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Fred: My girlfriend has just left on a cruise to the West Indies.
George: Jamaica?
Fred: No, she wanted to go.
2>George: Jamaica?
Fred: No, she wanted to go.
Fred: My girlfriend loves nature.
Dave: That's very generous of her, considering what nature has done to her.
2>Dave: That's very generous of her, considering what nature has done to her.
Fred: My girlfriend spends hours in front of the mirror admiring her beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
George: No, it's just imagination.
2>George: No, it's just imagination.
Gary hands his girlfriend a small package on Christmas morning, the size of a jewelry box. She gets incredibly excited and rips the package open to find just a pack of playing cards.
'What on earth is this?' she yells and throws the pack of cards at Gary.
'Why did you do that?' Gary responds. 'You said all you wanted for Christmas was something with diamonds in it!'
3>'What on earth is this?' she yells and throws the pack of cards at Gary.
'Why did you do that?' Gary responds. 'You said all you wanted for Christmas was something with diamonds in it!'
George: My girlfriend has a beautiful pair of eyes; her skin has the glow of a peach, her cheeks are like apples, and her lips are like cherries.
Fred: Sounds more like a fruit salad to me.
2>Fred: Sounds more like a fruit salad to me.