Owls
What do owls celebrate at the end of October?
Owl-oween.
Dentists
When I talk, people listen with their mouths open.
Oh, you must be a dentist.
Waiters
Waiter, waiter, this food is terrible. Bring me the manager.
I'm sorry, sir. He won't eat it either.
Zombies
What do you call a zombie who has a bell?
A dead ringer.
Eyes
What has four eyes and a mouth?
The Mississippi.
Lions
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lionel
Lionel who?
Lionel roar if you stand on it's tail.
Martians
Why are Martians green?
They forgot to take their travel sickness tablets before leaving Mars.
Alcohol
Do you have an alcohol problem?
- yes, I can't afford it
Blondes
Why did the blonde get on the roof?
She heard that the drinks were on the house.