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Joke Topic - 'Getting Old'

Here are 6 jokes on the topic - 'Getting Old'.


Signs You're Getting Old
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You're the one calling the police because the kids next door won't turn down their stereo.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating fried chicken at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $5.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

You know you're getting old when instead of combing your hair, you start "arranging" it.

You know you're getting old when the only gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You know you're getting old when you look at the menu before looking at the waitress or waiter.

You know you're getting old when you turn out the lights for economic reasons instead of romantic ones.

You know you're getting old when your back goes out more than you do.

Here are some randomly selected joke topics



My reality check just bounced - Insufficient substance.


Two men play 5 games of checkers. Each man wins the same number of games. There are no ties. Explain this.
They did not play with each other.


How did Frankenstein eat his food?
He bolted it down.

Pay Attention

Yo mama is so poor she can't even afford to pay attention.

Santa Claus

How does santa begin a joke?
"This one will sleigh you...."


Where do vampires keep their savings?
In the blood bank.


Q: What do you get if you cross a bird with a magician?
A: A flying sorcerer.


Did you hear about the angry inch-worm?
He was angry because he was told he had to convert to the metric system.


Why did Count Dracula visit his doctor?
Because he was always coffin.

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