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Joke Topic - 'Getting Old'


Here are 6 jokes on the topic - 'Getting Old'.

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Signs You're Getting Old
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You're the one calling the police because the kids next door won't turn down their stereo.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating fried chicken at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $5.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
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You know you're getting old when instead of combing your hair, you start "arranging" it.
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You know you're getting old when the only gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
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You know you're getting old when you look at the menu before looking at the waitress or waiter.
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You know you're getting old when you turn out the lights for economic reasons instead of romantic ones.
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You know you're getting old when your back goes out more than you do.


Here are some randomly selected joke topics

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Money

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jimmy.
Jimmy who?
Jimmy all your money.
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Cops

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It turned itself in.
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Newspaper

When a man was reading the newspaper, his wife asked, "Will you still love me when I'm old and gray?" "Sure I do," he mumbled.
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Dogs

What did the aardvark call his dog?
Aard-bark!
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Dog Biscuits

What is the main ingredient of dog biscuits?
Collie flour.
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Monopolies

Why is there only one monopolies commission?
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Elephants

How do you make a dead elephant float?
Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tonnes of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tonnes of bananas,.....
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Birthdays

Well, this definitely is a surprise birthday party. There are only 39 candles on your cake!
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Wedding

Did you hear about the two satellite dishes that got married?
The wedding was terrible, but the reception was great!

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