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Joke Topic - 'Getting Old' - 6 Jokes and Funny Stories To Laugh At
Here are 6 jokes on the topic - 'Getting Old'.
Signs You're Getting Old
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
In the elevator, your favorite music comes on.
When the kids next door refuse to turn down their stereo, you're the one who calls the police.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Dinner and a movie are the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating fried chicken at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $5 bottle of wine isn't considered 'pretty good stuff.'
You eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
'I'm never going to drink so much again,' is replaced by 'I just can't drink the way I used to.'
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
In the elevator, your favorite music comes on.
When the kids next door refuse to turn down their stereo, you're the one who calls the police.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Dinner and a movie are the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating fried chicken at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
A $5 bottle of wine isn't considered 'pretty good stuff.'
You eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
'I'm never going to drink so much again,' is replaced by 'I just can't drink the way I used to.'
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
You know you're getting old when the only sparkle in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
You know you're getting old when you look at the menu before looking at the waitress or waiter.
You know you're getting old when you stop combing your hair and start 'arranging' it.
You know you're getting old when you turn out the lights for economic reasons instead of romantic ones.
You know you're getting old when your back goes out more than you do.
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
Wives
George: This year my wife gave me a wonderful birthday present.
Fred: What was it?
George: She let me win an argument.
Fred: What was it?
George: She let me win an argument.
Lawyers
What should you do if you find three lawyers who have been buried up to their necks in cement?
Run and find some more cement!
Run and find some more cement!
Arguing
Did you hear about the man who was constantly arguing?
He liked arguing so much he wouldn't eat anything that agreed with him.
He liked arguing so much he wouldn't eat anything that agreed with him.
Skunks
Why did the skunk use loads of paper hankies?
Because he had a stinking cold.
Because he had a stinking cold.
Snakes
Baby snake: Mommy, are we poisonous?
Mother snake: Yes, honey, but why do you want to know?
Baby snake: Well, I just bit my tongue.
Mother snake: Yes, honey, but why do you want to know?
Baby snake: Well, I just bit my tongue.
Elephants
What is grey carries a bunch of flowers and cheers you up when you are ill?
A get wellephant.
A get wellephant.
Politicians
The trouble with political jokes is they get elected.
Skeletons
What does a skeleton like to order in a restaurant?
Spareribs.
Spareribs.
Coffee
What should you do if your coffeemaker becomes depressed?
Try to perk it up.
Try to perk it up.