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Joke Topic - 'Genie'

Here are 4 jokes on the topic - 'Genie'.


A man who hated his mother-in-law got three wishes from a genie.
Genie: "Whatever you wish for, your mother-in-law gets DOUBLE."
First wish: "I would like one billion dollars."
Genie: "Ok but mom get's two billion."
Second wish: "I would like an island off the coast of Greece."
Genie: "OK but mom get's two islands."
Third wish: " I would like you to beat me half to death."

One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"

Three blondes are stranded on an island. They find a lamp and rub it and out pops a genie. "I will grant each of you one wish" the genie said.
The first blonde said that she wished to be smarter than the other two, and she turned into a brunette and swam off the island.
The second blonde said that she wished to be smarter than the other two, and she turned into a red-head and built a raft and rowed off the island.
The third blonde wished to be smarter than the other two, and she turned into a brunette and walked across the bridge.

Why did the genie in the lamp get angry?
Because someone rubbed him up the wrong way!

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How did you find your steak, sir?
I just turned over a chip and there it was.


Tell me again how I'm lucky to work here..I keep forgetting.


Doctor: I will examine you for twenty dollars.
Patient: Go ahead Doctor. If you find it you can have it.

Computer Programmers

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't know how to - it's a hardware problem.


Which newspaper do cows enjoy reading?
The Daily Moos.


Bob: I call my girlfriend Sugar.
Joe: Why is that?
Bob: Because she's so refined.


Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a puppy!


Did you hear about the man who fitted snow tires to his car?
They melted.


Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Albert who?
Albert you'll never be able to guess who I am.

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