These gangsters came to our house and my sister answered the door. They said to her, 'Kid, is your mum in?'
My Sister said, 'No, she ain't.'
They said, 'Kid, is your dad in?'
My sister said, 'No, he ain't.'
They said, 'Ah, come on kid, where's your grammar?'
My sister said, 'In the front room asleep.'
Here are some randomly selected joke topics
School
My parents sent me to boarding school so that they wouldn't have to help me with my homework.
Doctors
Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a bridge.
Now then, what's come over you?
Two cars and a truck.
Fairies
What do you call a fairy that never takes a bath?
Stinkerbell.
Arguing
Did you hear about the man who was always arguing?
He liked arguing so much he wouldn't eat anything that agreed with him.
Cannibals
What did the cannibal say when he met the famous explorer?
Doctor Livingstone, I consume?
Farmers
What do you call a farmer who used to like farm machinery?
An ex-tractor fan.
Cats
What has four legs, whiskers, a tail and flies?
A dead cat.
Violin
What do you call a horse that plays the violin in a musical?
Fiddler on the hoof.
Bats
What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
You're real fun to hang around with.